You've probably heard the idiom "Sticks and stones may break my bones by words will never hurt me." If you're like me, you think this is a stupid statement, and probably know very well how much words can hurt. As much as sticks and stones? I don't know, throw them at someone and let me know the results. (Joking.)
Has someone ever insulted you? If you're human and you've interacted with other humans, the answer is most likely yes.
Sometimes it's via the internet with total strangers, but often it can be from close family or friends. It can be a huge shock, and a huge blow to your self-esteem. Likely these people know your most intimate secrets, or the things that are most sensitive to you.
The reason I'm writing this is because I had this happen to me recently. My anxiety/panic disorder is a touchy subject for me, I feel this constant battle to defend myself to others who don't understand what this is like. I've been professionally diagnosed with numerous doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists. So no, this is not something I've made up or self-diagnosed. When someone says something negative to me, even in the slightest tone my brain can twist it and distort it into something way bigger than it might actually be. It's not something you can turn on and off like a light switch, and definitely not something that can be solve with "positive thoughts." At least not in the short term.
When people insult you amiss an argument or disagreement, we can assume they're doing so out of anger. Does it make it any easier to take, or acceptable on their part? Absolutely not.
It can go deeper than that thought. They might have unresolved issues, either with you or themselves. Insecurities that they've held in can get pushed onto someone else, in order to make themselves feel better. They insult you so that they don't have to look at their own problems, or accept their own faults.
Immaturity is also a key factor. When someone attacks you on a really personal level, it shows a lack of knowledge or understanding. We can't make people understand things from our point of view, if they aren't willing to try. The angrier the person gets, the more likely they'll hit you with low blows. Any bit of information they know, they try to use against you.
How can you handle an argument online? Don't retaliate with equally harsh words. It doesn't make you a better person to attack them back, and think once the argument ends, you can walk away clean; knowing that you didn't sink to their level. What you say online is there forever, even in the heat of the moment, it's good to take caution.
It's always important to pick and choose your battles. Sometimes it's best to step away from the situation, but at the same time you have to be able to stand up for yourself and defend in what you believe. If you're talking to a brick wall, state your opinion and then step away. You can only repeat yourself so many times before sounding like a broken record.
I tend to over-analyze an argument and replay it in my head. I've gotten a lot better with this through therapy. But I always think about places where I can apologize, or where I may have gotten carried away in the heat of the moment. We should be able to admit our faults. Even if we feel we haven't done wrong.
The most important thing is to not let it get to you. Easier said than done right? I find that I need to de-stress after someone upsets me. Stretching, yoga, prayer, or watching a funny video/show can be just what I need to feel calmer. Laughter really is the best medicine.
So now for comments and thoughts. Do you have any tips for surviving an argument? Any lessons learned through your own experiences? What do you do to calm down and keep the replay of the conversation out of your head? Leave your comments below!
Proverbs 9:8 - "Do not reprove a ridiculer, that he may not hate you. Give a
reproof to a wise person and he will love you."
Moral of the story? Haters gonna hate.
